The Nourished Woman with Keri Marino

A Case of the F*ck-Its: The Self-Honoring Way

• Keri Marino • Episode 3

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We explore the invisible load that women carry and how to honor ourselves by embracing our authentic selves rather than trying to be all things to all people.

• Women's brains are wired differently, making us more perceptive of emotions and creating additional mental load
• The female nervous system tends toward people-pleasing (fawn) or freeze responses
• Decision fatigue and mental clutter prevent us from becoming the women we're meant to be
• Getting "a case of the f*ck-its" means honoring yourself rather than following "shoulds"
• Envisioning the woman you want to be helps guide aligned action
• Doing less but more of what matters creates space for what's truly important
• Honoring your cyclical nature and nervous system state is essential for self-care
• The most powerful version of you has clarity around what truly matters

Send me a message on Instagram @the_nourished_woman or visit kerimarino.com if this episode resonated with you. 

If you're looking for deeper support, mentorship, or a space to feel held, I'd love to have you join us inside the Nourished Woman Sanctuary.


Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Nourished Woman Podcast, a space for women on a growth and healing journey who are ready to live more joyfully and feel deeply at home within themselves, body, mind and spirit. I'm Keri Marino, your host, somatic yoga therapist, mentor and mama of three. Let's dive in. The invisible load that women carry is intense y'all. It doesn't matter what stage of life you're in, whether you are a mother of adult children or teenage children or young children, or maybe you're not a mother at all. You're just a woman simply moving through the world. There is so much that we are holding. Our brains are literally wired differently from the male-bodied people walking around this planet. There are different societal norms and cultural things that we are all influenced by subconsciously. Day in and day out, our nervous systems are wired differently, and that's not to mention all of the different decisions that we are faced all day long. The modern woman is constantly, constantly having to make one decision or another. Do I pick up my phone right now or not? Do I eat that thing or this? What do I do with that message that I just heard on the radio? Eat that thing or this? What do I do with that message that I just heard on the radio. How much do I engage with the news. How does that make me feel? What do I see in the eyes of the person around me? Oh, my kid has that thing coming up in three weeks and I need to start preparing for that. These are just examples of a few of the different decisions that we have going on. A few of the different decisions that we have going on. We have so much mind chatter as well, so much nervous system feedback that we are getting because, as women, we are hardwired to be more perceptive of our own emotions and the emotions of people around us. That nurturing instinct is strong, but also, let's be honest, our desire to keep ourselves safe and protected as we move through the world is strong, and so I want to just acknowledge with you how much of an invisible load you and I and every woman you know is carrying, and how real that is. How real that is.

Speaker 1:

The other day, I bought a cleaning schedule off of Etsy and it literally breaks down like okay, it's this day of the week, I am going to mop the floors in my kitchen today. Okay, it's that day, it's time to empty the trash in all of the bathrooms. And I tell you what like. I downloaded this cleaning schedule and purchased it because I wanted to make one less decision and I wanted to have one less piece of invisible load swirling in my mind around when I need to do what, and all of the managing that I do day in and day out as a mother to three children and a wife and a business owner, day in and day out, as a mother to three children and a wife and a business owner. And so I want you to know that I see you and I also know that people pleasing runs deep for a lot of us.

Speaker 1:

In fact, the female nervous system kind of wires more towards fawn, which is that people pleasing place or freeze, even more so sometimes than fight or flight. And so when we're in people pleasing mode, oftentimes without you even knowing it, you are subconsciously trying to be all things to all people, and discernment is so important around this. How do I want to show up in my life, how do I want to be for me, and then how do I want to show up for other people? And this discernment is sometimes really hard to access because our energy is being poured out into so many other places all of the time and we get into these sort of habits of doing things, and you'll know you're at a time where this podcast is totally for you if you see yourself really pouring out into all these other things but also noticing yourself doing some habits that don't feel aligned Like.

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For me, one of my tells is snacking when I'm not hungry. It's like okay, carrie, what's going on? My love, your body is telling you it's not hungry and yet you are reaching for a snack. And so, having this awareness of yourself and this inner acknowledgement of, oh, my goodness, love, I am carrying so much, and a lot of the weight that I'm carrying is actually invisible and there's so much mental clutter and I am having decision fatigue and I'm trying to be too, and there's so much mental clutter and I am having decision fatigue and I'm trying to be too many things for too many people. It's a really good time for you to say all right, it's time to get a case of the fuck-its. And I do not mean the self-destructive fuck-its, I mean the self-honoring, self-nurturing, real, honest conversations with yourself about how you are living.

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Is your energy scattered? Is the way that you are showing up in your life leading you to be the woman that you came here to be or not, and this is a really important place for you to remind yourself that you can go to not just moving through the day, not just pouring your energy out and thinking that you should. One of my therapists one time told me that shoulding is one of the worst things that we can do to ourselves. So instead of we should do all these things. What kind of woman do I want to be? And let's play with this for a moment together.

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All of you have a vision of what you want for yourself, the kind of woman that you want to be, the kind of way that you want to live even more authentically, the kind of lifestyle that really feels in alignment for you. You have these sort of soul longings, these deeply resourced desires that live inside of you, and they're not the ones that society has told you you should have. They're the ones that intuition and inner knowing and your body tells you yum, this is the stuff that I want for you and for some of you. That might be more ease in the way that you move through your days. It might be feeling more comfortable in your body in a soft, natural way. It might be having more freedom with money. It might be having deepened relationships with other people, your partner, a potential partner that you want to have, your children, whatever it is.

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You have these soul longings of what you know, that your most radiantly expressed, nourished, resourced self desires, and I want you to think about her for a moment, that woman that you are here to be. How would she manage her time? How would she move? How would she dress herself? What would she eat? What would she say no to? What does she move through the day, holding in her inner knowing as a guiding force that propels her forward? Because it's very likely that that version of you is not trying to be all things to all people.

Speaker 1:

She is not shooting herself through the day. She is not shooting herself through the day. She is moving intentionally. She is managing her energy and directing it purposefully into what is in alignment and then practicing discernment around what is not this version of you. She moves effortlessly and intentionally. She moves effortlessly and intentionally. She is focused on what she is creating and she is putting her time, energy and effort behind that. She is not writing it on her to-do list and then writing it on the to-do list the next day and for three months and ignoring it. She is actually showing up and cultivating it through energy, through effort, through time and through decision and all these other things, these invisible load things, this mental chatter, this decision fatigue. If you let them, they will get in the way of you being able to embody that version of you. And if you are in that place maybe you've been in that place for a while where all those things are getting in the way. We are not judging that part of you, we are not bashing that part of you. We are simply picking that part of you up and saying boop time for a new decision, boop time for a new way of doing this. Come over here with me now. Let's look at this differently. Let's show up differently, let's manage our time differently. Let's take a little less off our plate. Let's literally do less so that we can do the things that are actually more important to us.

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One of my past clients. She came to me and she shared with me oh my gosh, carrie, when I signed up to do yoga with you, I thought that it was just going to be one more thing on my list and what she realized was that this was actually the thing that gave her more clarity and gave her more aligned action and gave her more presence. She thought that it was going to be one more thing on her to-do list that she had to schedule and structure and make decisions around and make time for, but what it actually did was give her more. It gave her more access to that version of you and to that version of her that is showing up more clear, more aligned, more self-directed, more guided from that inner knowing and that is so powerful. Because this is what you're here to channel and this is where your power lies and this is where your gifts are meant to pour out of you and through you and flow out into the world and bless others. And these are the women that we need leading us, these are the women that we need holding space for us. These are the mothers that we need. Are these deeply resourced women? And that version of you? She's not waiting, you're waiting. So how do you get on board with her? How do you look at that? How do you make actions, moves, follow through that actually come from that place, and not just because you think you should, but because deep in your bones, all the way down into your soul, you feel that call and you move towards that call because you know that it is meant for you, and you are stepping yourself each day towards that, not from a place of judgment or shame, but from a place of love. And, following that inner knowing, it is a powerful force.

Speaker 1:

Kate Northrup wrote a book called Do Less and I want to share a quote with you from that book called Do Less, and I want to share a quote with you from that. And it says when you do less, you have more energy, time and enthusiasm for the things that matter most to you. When you do less, it doesn't mean you do nothing, you simply do less, but more of what matters. And so I want to ask you what can you do less of in order to do more of what matters to you? And this may require you getting a little creative, which some of us are more naturally inclined to than others. But this is your invitation, my love to get creative, and it might come in the form of buying a cleaning schedule and it might be doing some meal prep. And it might be doing some meal prep and it might be hiring some help and it might be saying no to that thing, whether it be like an emotional no, like absolutely not going to take that on. That's my child's thing to figure out. Or it might be how you say yes to yourself. All right, I keep telling myself I'm going to do my yoga practice, but then another day passes and I don't do it. And I know that version of me, that woman I came here to be. She is committed to doing her yoga practice more regularly and so I am going to actually get on my mat and I'm going to say yes to that. And the dishes can wait, and that text can wait, and that phone call that I need to make to the company who's going to help me with my roof, it can wait. It can all wait, because the vision of me that is here to be channeled and owned and moved through life with she does this. This is really important.

Speaker 1:

We live in a very masculine society, a society that wants us to constantly have the same output, but as women, we are very different. We move through a cycle each month where our output is going to be different. When you're on your menstrual cycle, you're going to naturally be drawn in and do less. It's not a great time to be performing at a high level. You need to be resting more. It is a time of letting go. It is a time of reevaluating and resting. There are other parts of our cycle where we are naturally going to have a higher output. We're going to have more to give, we're going to have more energy, we're going to be more magnetic, we're going to be doing more things.

Speaker 1:

And this cyclical living, this way of honoring our female way of moving through the world, is not just a conversation that you have with yourself once right, like this sort of. I'm going to let myself do less so that I can do more. I'm going to step fully into the woman that I came here to be. She's going to change throughout the month love, so let that be part of the self-honoring work too. Sometimes a case of the fuck-its is like I'm going to stay up late and do the thing that I know I need to do because I want to get it done and I've got the energy to do it right now. And sometimes that healthy case of the fuck it's is oh my gosh, I'm going to slash five of those things off of my to-do list today and I'm going to rest instead. Maybe I'm going to roll out my mat and do restorative yoga instead of pushing myself to do a more physically demanding practice.

Speaker 1:

Honor the cycles that you're moving through and also it's good to take in mind the state of your nervous system. What is your nervous system telling you? Are you in a fight or flight mode? Do you feel yourself more in a fun or people pleasing mode? What's going on there? And then, how do you honor yourself? How do you show up in that really aligned way, based on what's going on cyclically for you and then also your nervous system, because these are really great monitors of how you check in with yourself? I know if you're like me and a lot of the women in my practice, you like to have some structure.

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Okay, I'm in this part of my cycle.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to do less during that part.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to intentionally do less during that part.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I'm in this part of my cycle.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to do less during that part.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to intentionally do less during that part. Okay, I'm in that part of my cycle I'm going to do more. Oh, when I'm in more of a fawn state, I am going to know that when I'm in fawn or freeze, I really need to do some self-nurturing things. I need to pay attention to what is going on with me. What am I feeling? What do I need? What do I want? How can I take loving care of myself in this moment when I'm in more of a fight or flight state? Okay, I'm going to be externally oriented. I'm going to be having heightened level of stress responses, I'm going to feel more reactive. So, again, how can I be more aware of that as I move through the day? How can I manage my energy? By knowing that I'm going to be more reactive and so, when I feel myself reacting, I can witness that and choose whether or not I want to follow the lead of that or just look at it for information and have some self-nurturing and understanding and do some things that are going to help my nervous system channel that energy that it's mobilized and find a state that feels more regulated and balanced.

Speaker 1:

So I want you to know that it's not just rolling out your journal and being like, okay, how does the version of me that I am here to live as and fully embody and channel, how does she eat and move and sleep and breathe and show up and dress, and how does she feel as she moves through the day?

Speaker 1:

That's a really important part and I want you to have so much fun toying with that idea.

Speaker 1:

But I also want you to think about your energy in terms of your cycle and then where your nervous system is. Energy in terms of your cycle and then where your nervous system is, and if this is something that is inspiring for you, maybe after this podcast episode you journal about a little bit and you start to see like, okay, what's coming up for me as I listen to this and make some room for these ideas. It is really important for you to know that the most powerful version of you, she, has more clarity around this, and I say that as like a gentle bit of wind underneath your wings, something to light you up and inspire you to ask yourself what can I let go of? What matters to me most, and how am I going to show up today from that lit up from the inside out, deeply rooted resource self who is in love with her life and herself unapologetically? How am I going to show up in the next five minutes for myself in that way, and how am I going to show up for myself when I'm cooking dinner later in that way?

Speaker 1:

If this episode resonated with you. I'd love to hear about it. Send me a message on Instagram, at the Nourished Woman or on my website, kerrymarinocom, and if you're looking for deeper support, mentorship or a space to feel held, I'd love to have you join us inside the Nourished Woman Sanctuary. The beautiful music that you're hearing is from Shawn Johnson and the Wild Lotus Band, and you can find them on all streaming platforms.